Kenyan man Tom Ikonya, 60, went to a bar in Maragua town to celebrate a successful sale after selling an asset for Sh700,000. He claims to have been born in Nyeri County but, in 2007, his family moved to Kajiado County.
“I want my story to be a lesson to others … on what not to do when you come to cash,” he told a reporter.
This Kenyan man Tom Ikonya basically advises a man with unplanned funds to stay away from “bars, lodgings, women not related to you and men who pretend to be nice and to be found in bars.” He said that although he arrived at the town on the afternoon of November 10, by November 17 he was stuck, homeless, and lacking in funds.
He claims that his plan was to unwind for a day or two before exploring the town in search of locations to launch a boiled-meat business. He claims he was a plant operator who had previously worked in a plantation close to the town before being transferred by the same employer to Kajiado County.
“Not from a poor family, I own some assets here and there and, in my retirement, I decided to sell one of them so as to welcome myself into the world of senior citizens and pensioners,” Mr Ikonya continues.
He went to a tavern on Police Road after arriving in the town. “For those who know Maragua town well, it is a cardinal rule that if you are not streetwise, you make merry near a police station in case you find yourself staring at machetes in the hands of deranged teen criminals,” Ikonya added.
Being a self-confessed coward, Tom Ikonya, a Kenyan man, went into a bar he knew cops frequented that was only a hundred meters away from the police station.
“I am a popular fella around here and it was not long before I had company, firstly males and then some females. With cash, my generosity goes up and within an hour, my table was a mini party,” Mr Ikonya narrates.
He claims to have consumed roughly eight beers and spent Sh6,320.
The woman who was dependable
“There was this woman who remained stuck on my side … I had not known her but she kept reminding me to be careful … that being rich and drunk was risky. She appeared genuinely concerned and I trusted her,” Mr Ikonya stated
The bar staff made an announcement that they were shutting at about 10.45 p.m. because their license required them to do so at midnight.
“I decided to take a room because the bar also had lodges. They cost Sh300 per night. But the woman who remained by my side opposed the idea. She told me that her place was spacious and she wouldn’t mind hosting me,” he claims.
He continues by saying that reasoning while intoxicated is similar to mixing oil and water. It is impossible, he claims.
“That is how I ended up not remembering that trusting too much was suicidal and when the deal is too good I think twice. All those pieces of wisdom were fairy tales in my intoxicated mind,” he claims
This Kenyan man Tom Ikonya claims that a friend for whom he had purchased alcohol made an effort to alert him to the woman’s presence.
“But the woman overheard him … she kissed me on the lips and I forgot the warning. After another kiss, I was following her outside the bar, to board a motorcycle and within 10 minutes, I was in her house watching TV. She lived alone,” he claims.
Although he says he won’t go into much detail, “it is safe to say that I bathed, ate, and slept like a king,”
No more than twice in a row… for six days. He claims that God made the universe in six days and rested on the seventh, which is exactly how long it took him to spend his Sh700,000 and fall into poverty.
His Schedule during the days
He describes their daily pattern as getting up, praying with the woman, taking a shower, eating breakfast, talking about various topics, travelling out to various bars, and returning home for the evening. After hearing his concept to sell cooked beef, the woman promptly drew him a budget that came to Sh250,000. He was told to withdraw Sh350,000 as security for slow growth.
“The daily routine was waking up, praying together with the woman, bathing, taking breakfast, conversing about this and that, venturing out and into different bars and retiring back to the house for the night,” he reported
“I presented myself to my bank and withdrew the amount and handed it to her. Plus earlier withdrawals, my account balance by day three was slightly over Sh260,000,” he claims.
On day four, the woman declared that she had paid for the business space and was looking for employees who were familiar with the operations of the company.
“She also told me there were licences to be paid for and I had to part with a further Sh100,000. She also wanted me to loan her Sh50,000 for an emergency. I honoured those demands. So far so good, I thought,” he claims. “On day five, I made several withdrawals because I had decided that too many trips to the bank were tedious.”
The woman informed them that she had to leave for an emergency on the sixth day at around 4 o’clock and would return in an hour.
“She handed back my ATM card. I did not sense anything amiss. I also noticed that there was a parcel that she left behind and it contained my clothes. I did not give it much thought. I continued ordering more beer,” he tells the story.
The woman’s phone had been turned off by 10 o’clock and she still hadn’t arrived.
“There was a crisis now because there was a bill of Sh3,100 staring at me and I had no cash in my pocket. I had exhausted what was in my pockets. The rest of the cash was with my woman,” he claims.
He now claims that in hindsight, he has come to see that insight arrives only after foolishness has done damage and released its poison.
“I now had to take charge of my situation. A crisis sometimes sobers people up … I felt sober as a nagging discomfort hit my stomach and at a distance, I could feel a headache building. Things were certainly elephant,” he claims.
He requested authorization to use a neighboring ATM to make a cash withdrawal. The condition of permission was that Kenyan man Tom Ikonya would have a worker with him. He concurred. And the bar manager was to pick the rider who would take him. He also consented to that.
“In the ATM lobby, the first shock was that of ‘you have insufficient funds to withdraw Sh10,000’. He asked for the balance and the second shock hit him like a thunderbolt. I had Sh8.78 as the available balance,” he claims.
According to Mr. Ikonya, the alcohol in his system completely evaporated, and he experienced a sort of factory reset.
“I was so blind, now I can easily see … It was 10.30 pm. I requested my detail to take me to the woman’s house. They did and it was locked from the outside. I called her number and she casually picked up. She announced that her military husband was home from Somalia and they were in a nearby bar,” he claims.
He claims that he has heard tales of men who fell on hard times in this version.
“I immediately knew I had become yet another boy child to be conquered by the girl child … Not by force, by very peaceful means. I knew the moment of reckoning was here with me,” he claims.
He called his older brother and told him he needed a Sh10,000 bailout because of an emergency.
“My brother did not hesitate. Via his bank, he transferred the amount to my phone number. We went back to the bar. I paid my bill and took a room. The following morning, I was back to my Ruiru home to take stock of my six days in hell,” he claims.
Without the woman to protect him from roving gangs the next day, he was robbed in broad daylight as he exited a pub where he had gone to “unlock” himself.
He claims that when he was being mugged, two robbers approached him and demanded money, stating, “For all those days, you have been accessible thanks to the criminal woman you had hired as your guard.” He further says that his national ID card and some cash were stolen by the robbers.
He had gone to the Maragua Police Station to report a lost ID when a reporter came across him there. This Kenyan man Tom Ikonya agreed to share his experience. He now claims that he will soon receive more money because he was well-organized during his fruitful days.
“But this time round, I am going to do three things: get born again in the Christian faith, cease my love for alcohol and keep away from adventure. The spirits have revealed to me that if I succeeded in doing that, I will live long to see 2065,” he ponders and adds that he has neither guilt or desire for retribution.
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